opening up...

       I have never been one to open up.  It's always been hard for me to tell the truth, but this blog is one way of getting out how i feel.  I have Epilepsy.  that is really hard on my brain, i also had brain surgery which i also hard on my brain.  I can't tell the truth, I'm sick.  it's not fair to me or to the rest of the world.  I'm getting help now and that will help.  Anyway my boyfriend and i just broke up.  That was really hard on me and I'm still not over it.  He's so perfect, and so out of my league but somehow i thought i could change myself for him or maybe he could change me.  Little did i know that i just needed me time so to speak.  I can't drag anyone else down in my life with me that's why I'm getting help.
       I look at other girls around me like my one friend and think to myself, why can't i just be her?  Or why can't I just be exactly like her.  She's perfect.  Not a hair out of place literally, and the perfect life.  She gets everything she wants and has the perfect boyfriend.  Her parents are perfect and she gets great grades.  It's like i want her life.
       My other friend  doesn't have the perfect life but she is the best person i know.  She knows what to say all the time, and has everything going for her.  I know she'll get there.  But me, i don't know if i have anything going for me.  I hear my friends at lunch talk about how their boyfriends are, or what they do with them.  I listen sure, but sometimes it makes me sad. Like i don't belong in that group.  Like yea there my friends but they'd rather be doing something else.  It's not what i wanted in my life.  I love them don't get me wrong, i just wish that i would/could have a life more like them.