talking again...:)

So guess what? Frankie and I are talking again! :) I'm so incredibly happy and we are good friends; very good friends and i could not be happier :) <3 :D

Cute Boy

So at my physically therapy office there is a really cute boy named Peter. O he is adorable. He is the one that works with me the most. He is so talkative but he is really mature. I guess it helps tht he is a senior in college. To bad it's illegal for me to date him b/c i'm only a senior in highschool. I really want to get to kno him better. I mean I flirt with him but i'm not like all over him. Peter just makes my day better nd gets my mind off Frankie. I believe tht to be a good thing. Although i'm waitng for the day frannkie txts me nd says I want you back. Well tht will nvr happen as mch as I want him back. I'm moving on to bigger nd better things in my life nd i'm having my me time. :)

song time...just for him

everything i did i did for you
I changed who i was just for you
But it wasn't worth it
you didn't appreciate it

I can't wait to get out of this town
But for now that'll just have to wait
you let me down, but how could i hate
i offered you my forgiveness, you threw it away

it's time to move on
time to roll with the punches
time to get to whats real
I'm not your little pawn
i will feel better
this wound will heal

I can't wait to get out of this town
but for now that will just have to wait
you let me down but how could i hate
i offered you my forgiveness you threw it away....


I'm not gonna cry over you, you won't cry over me.  you're too prideful to even admit that you did something wrong but one day your gonna look back at me and realize you miss me but I'm not gonna come back...and that isn't gonna change.  you too perfect but Mr. perfect isn't so perfect now is he? Italian temper my ass, you just want to change me for someone I'm not.  so go find that girl and don't look back.

(another song will be on the way soon; I'm sure)

play the cards i was dealt.

So right now I'm trying to right a book, unfortunately i have just ended up with another case of writers block.  I've had this too many times to count.  My ex was going to star in the book but that is no longer going to be the case.  I had to change his nae (Francesco) to Philip my friend.  I love Phil he is an awesome guy but i mean he's like an older brother to me and the more i think about it the more i always thought of Frank as a friend. huh funny how i come to conclusions when i write.  Anyway I'm modeling my book off something Lauren Conrad would write.  So far i want it to be called Always I know. My best friends are the main inspiration for it and each of them will get a free copy once it's published.  But i have no idea when that will be.  Hopefully we will stay friends forever <3

Also, my friend is getting the present i was supposed to give my ex.  yea awesome right?  ha ha; well it turns out she is quite a jealous girl and he doesn't know how to tell her. but i would really love to give him this sweater.  it's so nice.  i think it will look really good on him and if she has a problem with it well sucks for her.  I think she is a nice girl but seriously if she is that jealous why would you wanna be with a girl like that? idk people confuse me and it's his life not mine.  so i guess I'll just play the cards i was dealt.

Oh what a day

So it's only the middle of the day and I'm already worn out.  i have a massive migraine.  I think i just found my new favorite song called 'gonna get over you' by Sara Barallies.  She is amazing. 

Right now we are watching the peanuts Christmas in my study hall and i love this movie.  But my favorite Christmas movie is the Grinch it's classic.  and my favorite Christmas food is candy canes. aha

Tapping...

It's not what you think trust me.  It's so much more.  It's forgiving myself for what i have done in the past.  it's really hard right now but i know i can do it.  I know I'll forget about Frankie, i know I'll forgive myself for what my life has been like in the past and i definitely know 2011 will be a much better year! WELCOME HOME ME!!!!!!!!!!!

it all happens for a reason....

       So this morning i saw my lovely ex while i was exchanging gifts with everyone.  it ligitly made me cry.  I just wish he would let me explain everything.  I just wish he would let me explain why i did this. but he doesn't care.  It makes no sense to me an it makes me sad.  All i want to do is cry. but i can't i don't have anymore tears left. yea that is sad, that just sucks. 
    I'm going back to venting to my first ex ever.  He's being my confidant.  He never strays and wow i was a lucky girl when i had him.  I don't know why i can't get over Frankie but i will.  My news year resolution is to get over him and that will happen.  Perfect time of year too, it's almost news year!

broken

It's like a dream but i want to wake up ASAP! i can't stand the pain i can't stand the way he looks at me everyday.  It's painful, but i'm good at faking.  He probably thinks i'm fine but in reality i'm not.  Everything about it is not fine.  He's returning my Christmas present today.  It's not that i'm mad about it, it's just that it hurts more than words can say.  I wish he would let me explain but he isn't even talking to me.  I should have never agreed to go out with him because he just led me on.  He treated me like a princess when he wanted too, but when he was mean to me i was scared.  i started to cry.
there are a couple of songs that remind me of him; Back to December ~ Taylor Swift. Last Kiss ~ Taylor Swift. The Way I Loved You ~ Selena Gomez. Untogether ~ Orathani.
My heart is broken and i need to fix it, but i guess that is part of my me time.  My best friend is helping a lot but i still cry a lot.  I just wish he knew how i felt. :,(

opening up...

       I have never been one to open up.  It's always been hard for me to tell the truth, but this blog is one way of getting out how i feel.  I have Epilepsy.  that is really hard on my brain, i also had brain surgery which i also hard on my brain.  I can't tell the truth, I'm sick.  it's not fair to me or to the rest of the world.  I'm getting help now and that will help.  Anyway my boyfriend and i just broke up.  That was really hard on me and I'm still not over it.  He's so perfect, and so out of my league but somehow i thought i could change myself for him or maybe he could change me.  Little did i know that i just needed me time so to speak.  I can't drag anyone else down in my life with me that's why I'm getting help.
       I look at other girls around me like my one friend and think to myself, why can't i just be her?  Or why can't I just be exactly like her.  She's perfect.  Not a hair out of place literally, and the perfect life.  She gets everything she wants and has the perfect boyfriend.  Her parents are perfect and she gets great grades.  It's like i want her life.
       My other friend  doesn't have the perfect life but she is the best person i know.  She knows what to say all the time, and has everything going for her.  I know she'll get there.  But me, i don't know if i have anything going for me.  I hear my friends at lunch talk about how their boyfriends are, or what they do with them.  I listen sure, but sometimes it makes me sad. Like i don't belong in that group.  Like yea there my friends but they'd rather be doing something else.  It's not what i wanted in my life.  I love them don't get me wrong, i just wish that i would/could have a life more like them.